# Are You Playing Tennis or Frescobol? ## The question no one wants to answer honestly Two long-time friends sit down for dinner. One of them, excited, shares an idea about leaving his job to start a business. He speaks quickly, eyes lit up. The idea has flaws — as all early ideas do. The other listens. Sees the flaws. And has two options. He can ask questions, help refine the idea, strengthen what is fragile. Or he can wait, smile, and then dismantle the idea piece by piece. Calm. Logical. Irrefutable. He chooses the second option. Ten minutes later, the idea is gone. The dream disappears. The bill arrives. He leaves feeling honest. Realistic. Responsible. But responsible for what, exactly? --- ## The game no one taught us to recognize Rubem Alves offered a metaphor that once heard, cannot be forgotten: human relationships are played as either tennis or frescobol. In tennis, the goal is clear: the other must fail. Every move exploits weakness. The smash exists to end the point. One side wins, the other loses. In frescobol, there is no opponent. Both players are on the same side. The goal is to keep the ball in the air. The difference is not technical. It is intentional. In tennis, the other’s mistake is an opportunity. In frescobol, it is a responsibility. --- ## Where your tennis hides At work, when you let someone fail publicly. In relationships, when you weaponize a poorly phrased sentence. In families, when “I told you so” comes before “how can I help”. In friendships, when realism crushes vulnerability. Online, when public correction replaces private care. Every smash feels like a win. Every smash lowers the ball. --- ## Why tennis feels so good Tennis is rewarded. It brings dopamine. Likes. Applause. We live in a culture that celebrates winning arguments, not sustaining relationships. Frescobol is invisible. It requires giving up the point. And the ego hates that. --- ## The crooked ball Everything is revealed when the ball comes crooked. When someone misspeaks. Makes a mistake. Exposes a weakness. The tennis player waits. The frescobol player adjusts. The error is not ignored. A choice is made. --- ## The winner’s paradox In relational tennis, the winner loses. You win the argument and lose trust. You win the point and the game ends. The victory is real. So is the cost. --- ## Conversation as the final test Nietzsche asked the right question: “Could you enjoy conversing with this person into old age?” Not agreement. Conversation. Words are the ball. Every shared idea is vulnerability. What you do with it defines the game. --- ## The invitation Do not change anything. Just observe. Notice the impulse to smash. The pleasure of being right. Because when you finally see the racket in your hand, something rare appears: Choice. **Tennis or frescobol?** The ball is already in the air.